Information About L. Palm

Memories

Memories are based on documents, family lore or personal experiences. They give more information about a person, but are not necessarilly complete or correct.

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Louis Palm (April 30, 1961 – March 28, 2023)

Today Louis Palm died. This post is about Louis, and about how his date of death has been on my calendar for over a month.

Louis, Marijke and Eric in Louis’ place in The Hague, December 3, 2011

Louis was one of my second cousins: our grandmothers were sisters. I never really knew Louis, though, until a little bit over ten years ago. Our families were not close at all, although I never knew why. I have some ideas now.

Louis’ life was not a happy one. He grew up in a troubled family and suffered from depression his whole life, having undergone counseling and treatment at least since 1988. In spite of that, Louis was one of the kindest and most caring people I have ever known.

His continued struggle with depression and other psychological issues wore him down, though, to the point that in 2016, when he switched to a new primary physician, he asked about the possibility of euthanasia. He felt he did not have anything in his life to look forward to anymore.

Raking leaves in our backyard, November 15, 2014.

At that point, his doctor was hesitant: Louis was a new patient, and the doctor wanted to get to know him first. Six years later, however, at a visit in October 2022, the doctor agreed that it made sense to start on the euthanasia process. Louis told me that when he left the doctor’s office that day, he felt maybe the happiest he had felt in his whole life.

Dutch law allows for euthanasia in a number of strictly defined circumstances, and Louis’ clearly was one of those circumstances. The law then lays down a number of steps that must be followed.

The first step was the review of what the actual process is, with both the primary care physician and a representative of the “Euthanasia Expert Center, The Hague.” This review went into details of what the law says, where there are different options, and so on.

Driver on the Keukenhof bus, May 13, 2018.

The second step was to get a second opinion from an independent psychiatrist—independent from any of the doctors that had seen Louis in the past as well as from the euthanasia center. Louis had an almost four hour conversation with this independent psychiatrist, who also reviewed his entire medical history since 1988. She confirmed that Louis was mentally competent, understood what he was asking for, and was asking for euthanasia of his own free will. She also assessed his mental condition as being without hope of structural improvement, based on the many years of prior fruitless treatment. She confirmed that all reasonable applicable treatments had been exhausted.

The third step was another review, this time from an organization called SCEN, a Dutch acronym that stands for Support and Consultation with Euthanasia in The Netherlands. This review was more a technical, process-based review: were all the proper processes followed, as well as yet another assessment that Louis really knew what he was asking for, and was asking for euthanasia of his own free will.

Indonesian dinner, May 15, 2018.

The fourth step was the actual planning with the hospital. Louis specifically wanted to die in a hospital, because he wished to donate as many of his organs and tissues as possible. This, to me, is maybe the most remarkable and telling aspect of Louis as a person: he had a miserable 61 years of life, but in spite of that, he was not bitter or hateful. On the contrary, he was focused on how, at the very end, he could still give to others. It is worth noting here that Louis donated one of his kidneys years ago, and also a piece of his liver. One of these donations went to a very young child whose parents later sent him a painting of the little hands. So he was no stranger at donating organs.

Today, March 28 was the day. He had his last breakfast, took the suitcase he had packed, and went to the hospital. The suitcase contained his pajamas, his own music, flowers for his primary care physician, and chocolates for the staff. In the presence of his brother, sister, and a few close friends he was sedated, and passed away at five minutes past noon.

The last few days of his life, Louis continued to plan for his end. He made sure all his possessions would find a good home, he went to the hospital to get a Covid test (a positive result could affect how many of his body could be donated, and he was elated when the test came back negative), he said his goodbyes on a WhatsApp group he created with all his friends.

What does this mean to me?

On the market in The Hague, June 1, 2019.

Louis has been talking with us and others about his euthanasia plan since the end of last year. Early February he announced the date, and I put it on our calendar.

It has been very strange, knowing ahead of time when a friend, a second cousin, was going to die. Mostly, though, it has been a beautiful experience. It can be argued that being able to choose your own death is in many ways the ultimate freedom anyone could have.

Today has been, at times, a tough day. I had my distractions at work; Nicoline had to deal with this at home. We both acutely feel the sorrow of having lost someone special.

Louis sent me a detailed description of the process, which the above is mostly based on. I am impressed with the checks and balances built into the process, and wish we would have something like this in the U.S. I am getting older every year, realizing that I have more to look back on, but also less to look forward to, every year. I know the day will come that I will feel that I’m done. How great would it be if I could just schedule the day I would die, knowing I would be able to step out before I would lose my last physical or mental capacities?

Louis asked me to share his experience, to raise awareness of the idea of euthanasia, of the possibilities (in countries like Holland), and, most of all, of the possibility to use the planned euthanasia to maximize the ability to donate organs and tissues for use by people who might desperately need them.

A website in Louis’s memory, built by one of his friends, can be found at https://louispalm.nl/.

We first met through Marijke, the year we were in Holland to empty the house of Eric’s mother. We came over to have dinner with you, back then still at the Sportlaan, the evening before we flew back to the U.S. After that, you visited us, around Thanksgiving. You brought a gorgeous bouquet of roses for us! After you visited us, you flew on to San Francisco, where an aunt of your lived. We also slept at your place. Among other things, you took us to the Haagse Markt, and we had a delicious Indonesian meal somewhere. After that, we had to make do with Facebook and such.

There is so much I would like to tell you, but at the same time nothing special. We only knew each other for a short time, unfortunately. I wish we could, just one more time, have a great time the way we had when you were here, and when we visited you. I’m afraid we will have to make do with the memories. At the same time, I admire your courage to “just” choose for the end that, in the end, we all have to reach.

I love you and will miss you. Many hugs.
XXXXXXX

I started working for Paktank in 1983. Reina Palm (back then still Schoot-Palm) worked there as well.

We became good friends, and have shared many experiences in the years that followed, both at work and outside. There were some difficult periods during and after her divorce, through which I could support her.

With her enormous talent for organization she turned her yearly birthday celebration into a yearly Palm Family Day. She considered me to be a brother, so of course my family and I would be part of the Palm Family Day. I have been a brother ever since.

And that is how I got to know you, Louis.

We didn’t meet very often outside of the Palm family days, but when we did get together, it was worthwhile, and so are the memories.

Eating sushi at your place at the Sportlaan, what an event! And of course you set the table in a left-handed way for me.

The card with the coin for the ferryman was placed on the coffin the evening before the cremation. Text: “Dear Louis. You always put the bar high. Finally you made the jump. Now you have to cross the Styx. Here is a coin for Charon.”

When you turned 50, I wrote, in the tradition that had developed, a song for you. To the tune of “Ik hou van Holland” [I love Holland], the song became “Louis has a birthday.” The barrel organ music unfortunately didn’t play but everyone was singing along. And I could see how moved you were. You thanked me for this birthday present with tears in your eyes.

And then: organ donations! When you had to go to the hospital all the way in Groningen, Wo and I visited you there. Such a great thing to do! You are a very special person.

Our last day with you, Valentines Day. What a great day that was!

We wish you a good journey and a lot of peace.

Louis and I have known each other for almost 9 years through our volunteer work at Wijkbus Uit en Thuis, located in Wijkcentrum De Regenvalk in The Hague.

Bright spots
Volunteers are the bright spots on our earth.
They are invaluable to all of us.
Their work brings warmth to society.
And all this selflessly, for the benefit of you and me.

Louis was already on the board of the Wijkbus when I came in as a telephone operator/planner. Louis was aware of everything because, in addition to his board position as Treasurer, he also worked as a driver and telephone operator / planner. Louis arranged the Christmas packages for the volunteer team for years, organized a telephone operator conference at his home with delicious Indonesian food with green marshmallow cake for dessert.... hhhhmmm.

After I worked for a year as a telephone operator at the Wijkbus, Louis and his colleague Arlette asked if I wanted to join the board. I had my doubts, Louis managed to persuade me. Except for a few meetings a year, it doesn’t take much time, Louis told me. Now I’m the Chairman and I know better hahaha

As a driver, in addition to the necessary requested rides, Louis also made trips outside our neighborhood and riding area to show someone around Kijkduin again.

Summer BBQ June 2022 at the Beachclub Boonoonoonoos in Scheveningen

We drive elderly and disabled people, who often cannot leave the house without our help. So a trip to Kijkduin is really an outing for these people. Or he drove an extra block so that they passed a house where they used to live.

Louis danced with Mrs. Roeleveld, which she talked about for years to come. When she called while I was a telephone operator, she always asked for Louis and said that I should give him my best regards. She never rode with us again, but she always said, just for Louis I’ll stay on as a member.

Louis always went one step further in service, just like me, and that’s where we found each other. Nothing was too crazy for our elderly fellow man.

Together at the start of the Corona crisis and the 1st strict lockdown, we provided our neighborhood bus members and colleagues with bunches of colored tulips with a nice card on them to encourage the elderly in particular against loneliness. We deliberately bought the tulips from an entrepreneur who Louis knew could make good use of the income.

Christmas dinner 2017 at Jasmin Palace in The Hague

The happy faces and gratitude of our members was so beautiful and gave us so much fulfillment that we soon decided, together with our Secretary Wilma, to do this every year at Easter. Louis and I also drove our Wijkbus to the Kringloop in Rijswijk practically every Friday during that first lockdown, where a hall was set up as a kind of food bank. Every Friday we really had a bus full of food and drinks and then made food packages in the parking lot at Louis’ house for colleagues, entrepreneurs, family and neighbors who were struggling or even had no income at all.

When I think of all these special actions, I think of Louis with great pleasure and warmth and I am grateful that we have done this together for many years, but it also means that I will miss him very much in all future special actions of our neighborhood bus!